• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
  • home
  • blog posts
  • about
  • website
  • categories
    • editorial
    • test
    • lifestyle
    • commercial
    • bloggers
    • film
  • contact
    • Bloglovin
    • Email
    • Instagram

shot by Ailera

a living shell of a ghost

09.04.16.lifestyle0

There is a moment, when you look at the calendar, when you look at the clock, and pain physically pierces straight through you. All the seconds slipping through your fingers. Hours turn to days, days turn to weeks, and you’re desperate, you’re desperate, because it’s never enough, because it’s never enough time. In that second you’re startled, ripped out of the slumber that is routine, and you realize that two years went by, but you weren’t really here – suddenly everything you recall, you see it as if some stranger was doing it in your place. You weren’t really the person you were supposed to be, because as those years passed you by, you didn’t leave a mark, you didn’t actually create anything you planned, you stopped telling your story. And it’s scary.
I had some bad episodes in the past, but these last few years wasn’t it. I wasn’t in such a bad state, that I couldn’t create. I was even happy at times, I had so many good times instead of staying at home and working on my real dreams. And yet, what do they mean if after all I’ve been through I’m just left voiceless, trying to figure out who is this new creature staring at me in the mirror. Because creating is my way of understanding who  I am and I just got lost without it.
So I need to find it again; and I’ll try to start with this blog and my photography. I want it to be more personal, more exciting for me to always come back to. I used to be obsessed with recording, immortalizing everything, so if I put as much of myself in words and pictures again, I hope I won’t drift to sleep again, I hope I won’t stay a living shell of a ghost.

while I was a boring, ordinary girl, I bought and got given some pretty things
Some of my pictures came out in magazines:
I
also had a 6 months photography internship at a nail and make up brand
(let me know if you’d like to read a blog post about the experience, or
if you have any questions about internships).

 

sometimes I come out from behind the camera. Sometimes I realize,
that I’m not as young anymore, and yet my fears are incorporeal,
slippery; they never have a face attached to them.
so how could I have fought them.

 

0

Related

Previous Post: « she read the signs in her dream
Next Post: A River Flows in Me part II »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Eloise Alice

    09.05.16. at 8:11 am

    wow, what a deep and beautiful post. I hope you can find a way to our your heart and soul in creative things again and you're photos are stunning <3

    http://www.thewhimsicalwildling.com/

    Reply
    • paperforests

      09.07.16. at 10:17 pm

      Eloise, thank you so so much, it means a lot to hear this! :}

      Reply
  2. Jenna Opsahl

    09.06.16. at 5:11 pm

    I've been feeling the same. Not at my worst, just not at my best. Good luck with everything, can't wait to see more photography. And I would love to hear about the internship!

    xx
    scarlettandgiselle.blogspot.com

    Reply
    • paperforests

      09.07.16. at 10:19 pm

      Hi Jenna, it always helps realizing that other people are going through the same thing as well. Good luck to you as well!
      Great, then I'll write up a blog post (with some images too) from my internship.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Footer

Subscribe

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Bloglovin
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Twitter

Topics

  • bloggers
  • commercial
  • editorial
  • film
  • lifestyle
  • music
  • portraits
  • test
  • travel
Swipe for London looking pretty and last pre-covid Swipe for London looking pretty and last pre-covid memories on film. 🥀⚰️ 
New film diary blog post is up on my blog with more, follow link in my bio.
Swipe for many different lighting situations on f Swipe for many different lighting situations  on film, shot in Winter Wonderland as it gets dark (even flash which I never used to use at all before and hated). 
Which one is your favourite? 
There is a link in my bio for a blog post with these pictures too🎞
From the editorial for @dreamingless magazine. Let From the editorial for @dreamingless magazine. Let me know which one you like the most - 1, 2, 3 or 4?
model: @cheyennecortez_ 
styling: @charliepartridgestylist 
make up/hair: @alicesnellmua
Looking for places in London that feels not like L Looking for places in London that feels not like London 🌴swipe for some good vibes, which one is your favourite?
@ilona__marion on film. Make up by @levijademakeup
It’s snowing outside, so of course I can only th It’s snowing outside, so of course I can only think about sun and beaches.☀️🌊🏝⛱Hope it’s not too long until we can safely travel again.
Taken on a road trip on Highway 1 (probably one of the best drives ever at least so far)

What’s the first place you want to travel when we can? I really want to go back to California again, or anywhere with nice beaches (recommend any if you have a favourite place!)
Some older film 🎞 with @sara_waiste from Bright Some older film 🎞 with @sara_waiste from Brighton. See the blog post in my bio (bloggers on film).🌸
Which one do you like the most?
Anyone else wants to use flowers as props for most Anyone else wants to use flowers as props for most of the shoots?🙈🥀
beauty @beatrizsilva_3001 @prm_agency 
mua @unaizahaquehmua
Copyright © 2021 ⸱ shot by Ailera ⸱ Design by Love Riot ♡

Copyright © 2021 · Lush on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in